My Testimony

     The blog won't upload my photos- I don't know what is going on! Last night in class we shared our testimonies.  Testimony= How I came to know the Lord.  I got up there, very nervous and what came out was like scratching on chalkboard!  The story did not come out the way I had expected it to-- so much stuff was missing and out of order.  I thought I'd redeem myself because I can't stop thinking about it now.  I have to share it correctly so God can get the glory of what He has done in my life.
      I grew up in Utah.  Grantsville, about 30 minutes Southwest of Salt Lake City.  My mom taught us about Jesus and made sure we knew that he died on the cross for our sins.  That knowledge stayed in my mind, but that was all it was.  Head knowledge.  I didn't do anything with it, think about it, learn from it or accept that as a gift.   
     We didn't attend church on a regular basis, but maybe two or three times that I can remember.  Surrounded by a heavily dominated Mormon society, my mom kept us out of that religion.  The first experience I had with the Mormon church was not being allowed into the church because I was not wearing a dress.  I never forgot that. My friend invited me and then had to leave me at the door.  Never again would I attempt to go because I was sure I was "less than."
     Fast forward several years, my family moved us to Colorado and I graduated from Canon City High School and got married.  I had always wanted to be a mother and raise a family.  My husband was a non believer.  It didn't matter to me at the time, and frankly, the topic only came up at a pivotal point in my life.  After about two years of marriage I noticed the alcoholism creeping into the marriage.  He was drinking every night, whether he was home or not, and never went anywhere without his beer.  It consumed him, and I was consumed with arguing about it.   We had a toddler girl, bought a house and I became pregnant after moving into the house.  The marriage just slid downhill at such a fast pace I couldn't even believe it.  I didn't know what love was- any my daily life consisted of single parenting and work.  That was it.   I would wait up all night worrying that he wouldn't get home in time for me to go to work, and when he would arrive it was usually explosive! Furniture would literally fly.  I now praise God that this stuff happened while my babies were sleeping.  They were sheltered from the storm.
    In a desperate time, I prayed to God for help.  Hunkered down beside my bed, hiding from closet doors that had been ripped off and were being thrown at me, God made me pray.  He was saying, "Don't you see that you cannot do this alone?  Why have you not called on me?" I was scared for my life at that moment- I had no hope for anything.  I wasn't sure I really knew how to pray!  I prayed out loud for God to help me out of this situation.  The closet doors stopped flying at me and because I was praying out loud, my attacker didn't know how to respond and left the house.   I did not let him back in.  It was the first step back into the arms of God.
   
Meanwhile, God sent someone into my life to teach me.  My husband Adam got a job at the daycare I was working at.  I didn't really like him very much, and actually had him removed from my classroom because he was too distracting for the kids.  He was upsetting the order of my schedule.  He mentioned something about being a counselor at a church camp and my ears perked up.  I knew I wanted to know the Lord and here was someone who must know how!
 
    I am a crazy dreamer most nights.  I had an incredible dream around that time- I was walking down the street in Grantsville, a street I had walked down hundreds of times.  I realized that I was not alone, but walking arm in arm with Adam.  There was an amazing feeling of happiness, peace, satisfaction in my soul while we walked arm in arm, not saying a word.  I had never experienced that feeling before.  I woke up.  It felt horrible to wake up, because here I was back in this situation of misery.  I wanted to feel that feeling again.  (And why on earth am I dreaming about Adam?  He drives me a little crazy.)   I truly believe that God gave me that dream to show me that I can trust Adam and that there was something there for me.  Strange, I know.
     Adam started coming over to my house after my kids were in bed.  He brought his Bible.  He actually read it to me.  We talked about so much stuff-- my heart and soul was craving information.  We read about what marriage is supposed to look like and about Gods love for us.  We talked about John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whomever believes in him shall not perish."
   
I finally knew what it meant, all of those times my mom told us what Jesus did.  I accepted that, believed it.  It was starting to make sense.
   
I started to pray that God would take all of these burdens from me.  I no longer wanted the house, the cars, the struggle, the darkness.  One by one, I was relieved of all of these things.  He even sent that abusive man away from me and my children and have kept us safe from him every day since then.  I was given a second chance!   Now I actually had hope!   Do you see the power that God has to change your life?
   
A pivotal moment for me was when Adam invited me and my kids to church.  I never forgot the way I felt being turned away as a child.  How hard it was for me to enter a building of people who I was sure were going to look at me and my kids and assume I was trash and ignore me.  I was sure they would voice their concerns about what I was doing, trying to leach onto Adam.  I clearly didn't deserve him.  I honestly didn't want him to waste his life on me.  How wrong I was, the first person I met was Ruby, and she jumped right out of her chair and came to greet us and was very kind and welcoming.  The Lord was showing me how a church family can love.  This was where I was supposed to be.  I was not "less than", but welcomed.

    We got involved as a couple and married.  I was experiencing real love for the first time in my life!   I had no idea marriage could be such a blissful experience.   I now rely on my husband who teaches me and loves me.  He looked at me as not less than, but someone who needed the Lord desperately and he wasn't afraid to share that gift with me.  I need to share that gift as well.  Without messing it up so much- so here it is!

    God loves you, he has given you an "out".   If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and ask God to come into your life, He WILL!  I have experienced it.  I can see the difference in my life then vs. now.  Who knew that God would pluck me up out of life of sin, hatred, anger, worry, disbelief, darkness and turn me into a youth pastors wife?  God knew, that's who.  All of those things happened because God knew that's what it would take to get me on my knees.  I've been there ever since.